Richard and Steve's Podcast

I am God.
Not the god of love, but God Almighty.
I massacred the Amalekites and the Seven Nations of Canaan.
I hacked Agag to pieces and blasted the barren fig tree,
for the day of vengeance is in my heart.
You lunar jackass,
she betrayed you... guilty, guilty, guilty.
The punishment is death. I've finally been processed.
They made me adjust... to modern times.
This is 1888, isn't it?
I'm Jack.
Cunning Jack.
Quiet Jack.
Jack whose sword never sleeps.
Hats off, I'm Jack.
Not the good shepherd.
Not the prince of peace.
I'm red Jack, spring-heeled Jack.
Jack from hell. Trade name: Jack the Ripper.

Questions asked, questions answered:-

What is the best gay novel of the year?
What was the secret of the Hitler diaries?
Where in the world is Stephen Leslie Parkes?
What are the themes of the show? What are their initials?
What excuse is Matthew Stogdon giving us this time?
Yes, but can you say it three times fast?
What's happening this Saturday?
Band or football?
Where is the official post Norwich gay pride event being held?
Who is Big Daddy?
Who do Marc Almond, Holly Johnson, Stephen Fry, Graham Norton, Alan Carr, Derren Brown, Elton John, David Furnish, Boy George, Chris Moyles, Peter Tatchell, Ian MacKellan, David Tennant, Neil Patrick Harris, Lady Gaga, Stephen Leslie Parkes and Simon Amstell think they are? Really?
What is 'e' for?
Good job or bad job?
What jobs get no respect?
What are the employment opportunities for a 69 year old Russian woman on the Pacific rim?
Should mayors be doing this?
Which Russian town has Ipswich been twinned with?
Where is the gayest place on earth?
What stopped Steve going to Castro street?
What's Fisherman's Wharf really like?
Is the Bushman a legitimate threat?
Which one's the Flatiron building?
Did you see the Presidio?
NCIS or CSI?
Why are people jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge? Really, women too?
Which is worse, racism or mysogyny?
Do you hold hands? Why not?
What is Marley's new job?
What you going to do, what you going to do when they come for you?
Which one of the twelve steps is the hardest?
What will the inhabitants of Crazytown USA do when they realise their top cop is an informant?
What is the Anti-Lassie?
Boom, it's OUTCAST RADIO. Who?
Who's in the Fright Night remake?
Who needs a shave? (It's Robertson Davies!)

IRON MAN 2 SPECIAL

Oh yes, that's right, we've teamed up with the bloody boffins at Universal Pictures to offer our loyal listenership an insane Iron Man 2 giveaway. Just stay tuned to the end of the podcast for a free sample from the soundtrack to this Summer's biggest superhero movie.

In other news, there are tips of the hat and wags of the fingers abound from Prof. Richard Sheppard and Stephen Leslie Parkes (a.k.a. The Nimmo Twins of comedy) in the latest edition of the Richard and Steve Show. Yes, we had a coalition government of a sinister, shifty, posh fop and a grinning, gurning homosexual chancer long before the Clegg and the Cameron set up a bunkbed together.

A short, sharp, sweet, sour shot across the bows of reality from Prof. Richard Sheppard and Stephen L. Parkes. The former is losing his voice, giving the latter free rein to quote from the bible, talk about testicles and generally talk trash and steal cash. More to come soon, keep them peeled.

People mentioned in this podcast:-

Prof. Richard Sheppard
Stephen Leslie Parkes
Nana Moon
Matthew Stogdon
The Judderman
k d lang
Steve's boyfriend
God
Disapproving hawk
Nude hawk handler
Mr. Bojangles
Alvin, Simon and Theodore
DJ Chipmunk
Eddi Reader
E4 announcement guy
MC Hammer
Lionel Richie
Unnamed Pittsburgh resident
George Romero
The police
John Thomas
The physicists amongst us
Sigmund Freud
Oedipus
Steve's Mum
Richard's Mum
Carol Suzanne Staltari
Unnamed Australian Constable
Les Dawson
The Chippendales
Unnamed Staltari family member and Down Syndrome sufferer (male)
Unnamed Staltair family member and Down Syndrome sufferer (female)
Unnamed schoolmate of Stephen Leslie Parkes
Homosexuals (generic)
Jesus Christ
Lady Vendetta
Hayley Hatred
Becky Lee
Daffney
Alison Danger
Mia S.
Nicole Paoli
Jesse "Air" Jordan
Kimberly "The Queen Of" Spades
Andrea the Giant
Skittlz
Fruity Joose
Brittany Force
Sassy Stephie
Angel Dust
Vicky Gambino
Samantha

A few light taps upon the pane made Richard Sheppard turn to the window. It had begun to snow again. He watched sleepily the flakes, silver and dark, falling obliquely against the lamplight. The time had come for him to set out on his journey westward to Podcast Towers. Yes, the newspapers were right: snow was general all over East Anglia. It was falling on every part of the dark central plain, on the treeless hills, falling softly upon the Fens and the Broads and, farther westward, softly falling into the dark mutinous Christchurch Park. It was falling, too, upon every part of the lonely churchyard on the hill where Marley lay buried. It lay thickly drifted on the crooked crosses and headstones, on the spears of the little gate, on the Lebanese Restaurant, on the barren thorns, on USA Fried Chicken, on Norfolk County Council, on the Richard and Steve Christmas Special, on Cathedral Close, on Stephen Fry and Mikey Carroll. His soul swooned slowly as he heard the snow falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all the living and the dead.

Bored with the Beguine? Weary of the Waltz? Take the hand of professional tango instructor Richard Sheppard and cross the dancefloor of human experience. There you will meet Stephen Lesley Parkes, famous meta-film-critic Marley and hear all about the dreadful effects of the lethal street drug, 'Meow Meow'. It's all packed in thirty minutes like meat packed into a tube, and it want's to crawl into your ears and die there. Let us in.

More frightening then the ghost of a possessed zombie (who is also a rapist), the Official Podcast of Norwich is back after a long delay to continue the gradual wearing away of your sanity. This time around Professor Richard Sheppard (aka the Ghost of Shark Week Yet To Come) is experimenting on apple-cheeked goon Stephen L. Parkes (star of Mega Octopus Vs. Peter Hitchens) to determine his psychic powers. Plus, a guest appearance from the Crypt Keeper, and some really rather offensive stuff about anything. Bless you all, happy trick or treating.

http://www.dailymotion.com/maneatingswan

....And that's just the beginning. After the Summer hiatus, Richard 'Kid Charlamagne' Sheppard and the the self-styled 'Friend of the Buffalo' Stephen L. Parkes are back on the airwaves. This month, we're talking about self improvement, and putting you on the path from slopper to proper. Witness the fitness, get away from the sickness and crank this shit to the maximum volume.

Plus:

Learn How To Do The Rap Singing!
Discover Illuminati Secrets!
Special guests, Chris Tarrant and the Noisettes!

Legendary auteur Maric Williams has been dragged out of retirement to direct Richard Sheppard and Stephen L. Parkes in this short film based on the existential classic. Feel free to have your minds blown, squares. New podcast to come at the beginning of July! Keep checking back for updates. Jah Bless!

.....By injecting avian flu into your body, then waiting for the pig and the bird to fight it out in your bloodstream. Desperate remedies supplied by Richard Sheppard and Stephen L. Parkes in the new episode of the Official Norwich Poddy, this time around abetted by local embittered loner, Matthew Stogdon.

Stogdon will be answering probing questions about his private life and helping us out with a little sketch we call 'Victorian Fight Club'.

Thanks for downloading, and remember that once you've listened to it, you can't 'unlisten' to it. Can't un-ring a bell.

Still the top-rated East Anglian podcast, still more insane than a coke-addled Jack the Ripper riding a hog through the streets of Dusseldorf, still obsessed with Matthew Stogdon, still D.R.E., still getting love on the street. Richard Sheppard and Stephen L. Parkes bring the thunder, the blunders and a small puddle of chunder to rock the broadcasting world back on it's heels. Ally yourself with the most dynamic medium of the twentieth century, homegrown and 100% organic, the Once and Future Kings of Casting are spitting fire.

Back once again with the renegade masters, with the ill behaviour. To translate for terrified caucasians - Richard Sheppard and Stephen L. Parkes continue 2009 as they started it, with another shambolic half hour or so of bickering, snickering and gravy thickening.

Much love to the fictional stars of Left 4 Dead for the interview in this episode, plus even more love to the archivists at ITV6 who have dug out a classic episode of Steve's gameshow. Thanks to the Red Left Foot himself, Matthew Stogdon, for his cameo.

New year, new episode, old jokes. Richard Sheppard and Steve L. Parkes return to assault your ears in an eerie aural sort of way, giving you a brand new sketch ('Gentleman Jackass') and a brand new song ('Stogdon's New Tattoo'). Download this malarky, stream this shizzle and enjoy.

Enjoyez plus, by checking out some website who support us or to whom we give support:-

http://seerichardandsteve.podomatic.com
http://www.myspace.com/fogthefilm
http://www.theredrighthand.co.uk/
http://www.incubatorgallery.org/
http://daveknowsshitaboutmusic.blogspot.com/

Twelve months have passed since our last Christmas podcast (funny, that), and now Richard Santa Sheppard and Stephen Leprechaun Parkes are back with more festive musings. Plus, there's our traditional Christmas sketch; this time our take on the panto classic 'Dick Whittington And His Cat'. Enjoy, have a merry Christmas and we'll see you all in the New Year. Shanti.

Thanks to everyone who has supported us this year. If you feel the need to make yourselves known, contact us at richardandstevepodcast@hotmail.co.uk

Legend tells of a podcast that was so awful, so offensive, so disgraceful that shortly after it's recording Richard Sheppard and Stephen L. Parkes buried it in the wastes of time. Now, in the spirit of Christian giving, they have unearthed, edited it, and offer it you, the discerning listener for you delictation. Keep them peeled for next week's Christmas special. Jah Bless.